I had to do something really hard on the weekend, something I’ve been dreading for ages. It had built up in my mind and I was imagining the worst outcomes and scenarios. I needed to have a conversation that I knew would be difficult, as the person involved wasn’t so keen to discuss it. I hate any kind of conflict, but I knew avoidance was only going to create unnecessary dramas in the future. I had to take a breath and have the courage to take the conversation where it needed to go.
I knew that the situation didn’t need to feature conflict and that how I approached it was going to make all the difference. I’ve always said that how things are received by others is all in the presentation, but what do you do if you know that the person on the other end of the conversation not only has the potential to take the conversation into drama, it’s pretty damn likely that they will! So, I took a deep breath and I felt for my heart energy inside to make sure I was coming from the right place. I wanted to bring love, respect and patience into this conversation and I wanted to ensure that my worries wouldn’t affect the outcome by feeding the negativity or fears.
We had the conversation and much of it went as I expected. Being in my heart meant that there was no animosity or negativity coming from me. When I’d feel the negative emotions rising, I chose to breathe deeply into those emotions until I could respond more evenly. I wasn’t perfect, but I found that I wasn’t reacting badly to things that may have in the past upset me. I was more able to see how it was being received from the other side. I found it really interesting to see just how being in an open-hearted mind-set could make such a difference.
I realised that putting off the conversation had made it bigger in my head than it needed to be and that I had only made it worse for myself. Much of that conversation went really well and the rest could have been way worse. I know that whilst having the conversation earlier may not have changed the outcome, I would not have wasted time stressing and worrying about things I have no control of. Because the truth is that I can’t control other people’s reactions no matter how hard I try. How they react is dependent upon their beliefs, attitudes and past experiences: none of which I can change. So, I can relax.
People having negative reactions is something that they have to work through. As long as I am coming from an open heart, apologising for any undue hurt and am open to creating a solution, I cannot do anything else. Nor should I. We are each responsible for our own reactions and feelings and I’m committed to working on mine to create the best outcomes I can. I need to allow others the space and opportunity to work through theirs.
I’ve decided to address issues with conflict in the future as soon as I can, to limit or eliminate any build-up of unnecessary worry or stress. It just seems like a better way. Karinagodwin.com